I’m not sure what to think anymore. I’m terrified that my dreams are slowly becoming my reality. Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? Maybe it is just indifferent and I’m supposed to sit back and let it happen. I cannot contain my excitement about a few changes that will be taking place this summer, but I can definitely do without the busting my ass to barely scrape by. I know that sounds like I am trying to throw a pity party, but really I am not. It frustrates me to no end that I am working really hard to make ends meet while other college students are living off of… well… let’s just say it took less effort for them to have it.
I wrote that back in March… Man, have I come a long way since that post. I have accomplished so much. I finally moved out on my own and so far things have been great. I have some of the most awesome roommates and I’m just generally happy with my decision to take this step. I miss my family a bit, but they are just a phone call away. I also got a promotion at my job after working for two years to try and achieve some kind of success. I’m excited to start this new venture with my “practice career”, but I’m much more excited to continue my education so I can start my real one.
I’m overall happy with my life, but I still feel like something is missing. I’m generally concerned with the fact I cannot seem to let myself be satisfied. I miss certain people being constants in my life. I do not miss him, but I miss the friendship I thought we had. I was so blinded by who I thought he was that I didn’t realize he was and is a total piece of shit. I miss a few other people, but they won’t ever be a part of my life anymore because they’ve moved on. I wish I could too…
I’ve had writers’ block before, but I have never had it for this long. I am questioning my ability. I need inspiration. I used to find it in crazy places, but now I’m just stuck. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.