Two things happened this week on my journey to body positivity:
- I bought three more dresses (Torrid had a buy one, get two sale, I couldn’t help myself).
- I went to the doctor and saw the number from the scale.
I haven’t been to the doctor in about a year. I have not been on a scale in that amount of time. The last time I went to the doctor, we spent the entire appointment discussing my weight. It was a positive conversation and for once I did not leave his office feeling like a fat-ass failure. To be honest, I feel like I have the best general physician ever because he approaches these topics with ease and makes me feel like I can do anything. He is always really positive about my health. He reminds me that my weight is only an issue because of things that might happen later, but admits that those things can happen to small girls too.
I had to step on a scale today even though I begged her to just write “fat.” She said no. I also looked away, but when she gave me my write-up at the end of the appointment, there it was in all of its glory… I have tried so hard to not focus on my weight and instead focus on being positive, but in that moment I was ready to burst into tears. When I walked out of the office, I had to calm myself down.
I have to continue to remind myself that on this journey to body positivity, I will have those days where I feel sad, when I feel ugly, and there will be days I feel down right fat. This is okay. I have to remember the good days on those bad days. I also have to remember that it is not about my weight, but about my health and that includes my mental health. If I am happy, I will be healthier.